Monday, January 21, 2013
ever feel that you are hopeless and useless?...i do...all the time
drank a can of beer yesterday(wanting to try the taste) but i became a bit drunk. still knowing what im doing ...but i just cant control my emotions...i cried so hard...and my eyes became swollen this morning...i pondered and reflect alot yester day...
friends can turn their back against you just like that...today im treatimng him like that...but who knows that one day, ill be treated the same way as well...i dont know anything...
there are just two people that i put my full trust on them(kevin and amsyar) but i feel like we are drifting apart...its seems like they are more interested with their new friends or "new friends" and it just seems like im being annoying to them(starting to).i dont understand why im treated this way despite how i treat them...(although sometimes i might do things overboard...). its hard for me to trust people...not even talking about full trust now...i treat keven and amsyar like my real own brother...and they are the only ones im treating this way...i thought they will understand me and care about me...but it seems like im wrong(although i pray hard that iam) i put my effort in doing things for them but it seems like im not appreciated...
i may seems like i dont care and dont know...but actually i do...its just that i care secretly...only until you really need help the i will show...but it seems like you guys dont know...sometimes i wonder how many or who actually knows me...
and there is one thing i still dont understand...why do you want ours to be kept in secret but not the two of them? i really dont understand that...im i that really embarassing to be with?...maybe im...no matter what i will not put the blame on anyone...the most...only you...
i dont want to wear a mask everyday anymore...i want to be myself...
im forcing myself to make a decision on who i want to be from tomorrow onwards...
1)dont accept the truth, treat that nothing has happend and be who i have been in the past
2)accept the truth and be who i have been in the past
3)accept the truth, be myself...the quiet one..be ignorant to the surrounding
4)accept the truth and only talk when nessesary
realise that most of the choice are forcing me to accept the truth...i guess im choosing either 3 or 4...
安静了。。。沉默了。。。
posted by kadenxy on Monday, January 21, 2013